Musings & Personal · Uncategorized · Writing & Blogging

Is it All About the Chase?

I met a guy. And I met him on Tinder. Don’t judge though! Tinder is there to make me feel confident when I don’t feel really hot and I got rejected by the guy I was actually crushing on, or just to judge people by their appearances, because sometimes is just fun to press Like and Dislike buttons and see who you match with. Normally I wouldn’t make such big fuss about meeting someone on Tinder, but this person was actually nice. So nice that my first thought was: ‘This is suspicious…’ How messed up are our (or just mine) ideas about people to automatically assume that if someone is nice it means there is something wrong? I am so used to talking with people who just want sex or talk with you for couple of weeks and then disappear, that I really got surprised when this guy happened.

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And once I did go on a date with him I felt like he was too nice for me… What kind of people do I think I deserve then? Or am I just into chasing guys who are not really that into me and making it my mission to make them like me?

And this guy seems to really like me (without me making him like me!). He says what he thinks, he knows what he wants and he was ready to drive over an hour to the town that he’s never been to just to meet me. He’s cute, he has his own business and he is smart and talented. And I don’t think I’m that into him…

Maybe I’m just not used to people trying so hard around me. He sends me a lot of messages and tells me all the nice things and gives me loads of compliments. And the worst thing is that, because I’m not crazy about him, I am able to be completely myself around him. I usually stutter 80% of the time while talking with guys that I really want and don’t understand why they are even talking to me. I do embarrassing stuff and say things that even I don’t understand. I get all confused and forget what I was saying if I catch their eye or if they hold my hand. And with him I talk about everything and anything, if I do something embarrassing I just joke about it and let it go, and I even ate in front of him! I guess most people wouldn’t make that big deal out of it, but I am really self-conscious about eating in front of strangers or people I try to impress, so this was a big deal for me. Or actually it wasn’t- and that’s what makes it weird.

Also, we only met 2 days ago and he wants to meet again. Like tonight. And I am not ready to see him again so soon. I am not used to dating and having boys in my life. So many times I don’t even go out with my friends, or stay in my room all day just so that I don’t see my housemates, because I like my time alone. So seeing someone I just met that often… I am not ready for that kind of commitment. Maybe we can meet again in couple of days. That’s the best I can do.

I am being so ridiculous about this- I completely understand, trust me! I just really wish I felt differently and that I like the person that likes me and pays me so much attention. But it feels so surreal and I can’t get used to it. Perhaps I should just see what happens next and give him a chance?

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